I have never been a skinny girl, I have always been thick.
Now, I am considered morbidly obese and no, I am not lazy.
I work a retail job, spending 13hrs a day of my 5 day week, getting to work, being at work, and getting home from work.
My feet are so sore, It hurts to step on them.
I spend my free time as a MUA, studying or writing, so I guess other than work, there is no much physical exercise.
A few years ago, I was pretty fit. I did Muay Thai, and walked everywhere (still do), but I loved food a bit too much.
For many years I have battled with body image and obsessively wanting to lose weight. Guess what, as soon as I lost any, I put it back on. I am your typical yo yo’er.
I would starve myself so that I can get back on track, and would step on that damn scale everyday in hope I had dropped a few grams.
Just recently, I began to exchange my unhealthy habits for healthy alternatives. I removed sugar, carbs, saturated fats and worked out. A week later I would jump on the scale and it would show me the exact same number as when I first started, so I made more changes.
Three weeks later, still the same.
I felt I was depriving myself of the foods I love for nothing! Then I’d proceed to destroy any fatty food I could find, for days and days.
A few weeks ago I had enough. I grabbed that scale, walked down the stairs, propped the garbage lid open and said goodbye to the monster.
Admittedly, I held that lid open for a few seconds considering whether I should pick it back up, it’s hard to break bad habits.
But I didn’t. I closed the lid and left and do you know what I felt?
No scale to dictate my life, no number telling me I am doing everything wrong, no temptation to step on it every day and step off it in utter disappointment.
Health is not a number. Health begins when you decide to make changes that benefit your body and your soul.
I wanted to heal and the scale was not letting me.
Because of this change, my goals have taken a different form.
My goal is no longer to see the number drop like I have been hoping to see all these years.
My goals consist of healing my body, getting stronger, fitter and healthier.
I’ve set small goals to help get my body back on track, starting with my balance which does not exist since I hurt myself two years ago.
I found it easier to stick to my healthy eating habits because I believe that its working and there is no scale to tell me otherwise.
The journey is slow, but I am not obsessing over it. It’s a long road for me, starting from the bottom.
I’ve made it this far and it is my duty to respect my body and not ever put it through the hell it went through again.
Time to heal.
Throw the scale in the bin. It’s useless.
P.S. Scales are like a drug, it takes a while to leave your system and the craving to jump on one is intense.
Stay strong my friends, don’t let it dictate your worth!